i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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