you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
