Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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