New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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