my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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