i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
