Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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