when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
