i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
