what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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