someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
