He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
