i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
