Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
