I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
