Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My balls are so social today.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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