My underwear smells like fireworks.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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