Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
