I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
