I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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