yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
