don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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