bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
