I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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