i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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