I can text with my tongue
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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