Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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