How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
