I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
