So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
