I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
