WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
