Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
