Reggie can tackle my bush.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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