don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Pooping to opera.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
