That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
