took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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