i just sent this text using only my big toe
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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