The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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