I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
