I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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