Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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