My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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