My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
