I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
