I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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