i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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