So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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