i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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