no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
