I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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