I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
