I'm so fucking centered right now
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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